O-M-G

So, I haven't written in like 4 months.  Yeah, sorry about that!

I'll start off with this:

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!

Since I've blogged last, my diet and exercise regimen has pretty much gone out the window, if you haven't already figured that out.  UGH!!  Well, technically I had a few good weeks in there, but I'm pretty much starting from square one again.  I'm still down some pounds from where I was at the very beginning (March 31st), but I've reacquired some of the fluff and need to get back in shape!!  IT SUCKS!  I was on a roll in April, but man, I underestimated how easy it would be to fall back into old habits.

...and this is how I feel when I'm "dieting" and want to eat everything

You know it's true...

Pretty much.

Public Service Announcement Manatee?

OK, OK, I'm done for now.  And I was only about 30 memes in!  There are bazillions of 'em.  Note: there are a lot of FOUL memes out there.  It's hard to find ones that are appropriate for my audience!

I'm not perfect, and my eating habits certainly aren't either.  I allow myself to have "cheat" meals while dieting, but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing myself more harm than good by doing that - I'm reminding myself of how much I like the taste of junk food and might crave it more by doing so, but then again, I don't want to deprive myself and feel like everything that's not a complex carb or lean protein is forbidden.  There has to be a healthy balance between good and not-so-good, but I have yet to master that.  I know that I won't get the body I want if my nutrition isn't on key, but sticking with a healthy diet is definitely a challenge.

So, since it's been 4 MONTHS since I've blogged last, I have a lot to catch you up on.  Here's what's gone on since April in a nutshell:

• May: Bailey turned 9 months old, and I celebrated my first Mother's Day.  Mark took me to a BBQ joint to celebrate, and I snarfed down baby back ribs, and treated myself to some good old fashioned shopping.

• June: Bailey turned 10 months old (did I really need to say that?), and the three of us made our way to Arizona to meet up with my mom, dad, and sister in Flagstaff.  We saw the Grand Canyon, Sedona, and a whole lot of desert in between here and there.  A great time was had by all, and I can't wait until I can see my family again!!

• July: Bailey got older (again!), and so did I!  I turned the big 3-1 and now I can't remember where Mark took me for my birthday.  FAIL!  I'm sure it'll come to me later.  Although I do remember that I went to Carter's and spent a decent amount of money on new clothes for Bailey... it's also MUCH MORE FUN buying clothes for her than it is for myself.  Buying clothes sucks when you don't really like the way you look at that moment.  And oh!!  I nearly forgot - we also went to Oregon in July to take part in the annual Armstrong family reunion.  It was my first trip to that part of the country and it is beautiful up there!  We drove through the redwoods in Northern California and even crossed the Golden Gate Bridge.  The sightseeing and the reunion made for one awesome vacation.

• August: OMG.  How did this happen?  My tiny little peanut turned a year old!!  She had a party at the local park and a great time was had by all!  She scored some amazing presents and had a very anti-climactic cake smashing.  This girl, I tell ya.  I got her this awesome little cake and I had to force her hands into it (yeah, I was that mom).  I guess she takes after me in that regard... getting dirty is for the birds!  August went by entirely too fast and now here we are in September.

That brings me to my next announcement!  No, I'm not pregnant, though my doctor wishes I was.  Tough luck, doc!  That ain't happenin' any time soon!

Oh yeah, my announcement!  It's actually not that exciting.  I'm just restarting my diet/workout regimen in hopes of getting my flabby butt into shape before Christmas :P  I say this every time, but I'll see if I can really stick with it this time!  I'm tired of feeling like I do, and I think I'm finally ready to do something about it.  I've been lazy and have majorly FALLEN OFF THE WAGON and I need to find my happy place again.  My old habits came back (i.e. soda, fast food, and the like) with a vengeance and I gained almost all the weight back that I had lost and my friggin' jeans hardly friggin' fit anymore.  It's rather embarrassing to tell you all of this, but it is what it is.

Onto something else!

Anyway... enough about diet crap!  Let's explore my insecurities about being a mother.  Something light, you know?  I'll start.  Sometimes it seems like I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING.  Seriously.  Not a clue.  As Bailey gets older, the more complicated it gets.  Example: feeding her solid food.  Sure, it sounds easy, but it's totally not.  

Say I choose to make my own baby food... do I buy organic?  Which baby food maker do I buy?  Do I need to buy one at all?  How am I gonna make this stuff?  When am I gonna make it?  Which fruits/veggies will I try to get my child to eat?  If she hates it, do we try it again later or just move on?  Oh yeah, I'd better wait a few days before introducing a new food to check for any allergies!  It's exhausting!

And then there's the whole table food fiasco... by one year, babies are supposed to be eating normal food like the rest of us, but, and it's hard for me to admit this to you all, Bailey's diet still consists mainly of pureed food with the exception of milk and baby snacks.  I've tried to give her bits of what I'm eating, but it's like she's tasted death itself when she gets a piece of it.  The same question arises: if she doesn't like it, should I just force her to eat it to get used to it?  Seriously, these things don't come with a manual!  And Google isn't much help, do you know how many articles there are on feeding your baby?  Like billions!!  Of course, I realize that the only way she will eat table food on a regular basis is if I make her - it's not like she'll open up the fridge one day and pull out dinner for herself at 13 months old.  It's a very trying process and sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm really cut out for all of this.  But then I remember that I have an amazing support system and I am not alone.  Thank goodness... if it was just Bailey and me, I'm not sure if we'd have made it past a week!

There are several other areas where the same cluelessness lives, and it's hard.  I know a lot of moms don't talk about this, but I wish they did.  It might help to know that other people feel the same way as us.

I had originally planned on talking about some other things in this post, but I think I'll stop while I'm ahead!  

'Til next time...

OH WAIT!  I remember where Mark took me for my birthday!  PF Chang's.  It was delicious.  See, I told you it'd come to me!