A is for Adolescent Rebellion, or lack thereof...
Well, for those of you who read my previous entries... I have no friggin' idea where they went! I don't know if I somehow deleted them by accident or if there was a website malfunction. Either way, I'm gonna keep going!
Now, let's get back to business:
I was the brattiest when I was a little kid. I would steal my older sister's Cabbage Patch doll and hide it in my room, and then deny any knowledge of it when my mom asked where it was. I once drew all over my white bedspread with colored markers. I dismantled the knob on my bedroom door because I wanted to see if I could put it back together - I couldn't, and trapped myself in my room in the process. Even so, I was a pretty good kid, and when I did mess up, I got punished. When you get spanked for doing something wrong, you learn your lesson and don't do it again. Thank you Mom and Dad for disciplining me when I needed it.
When I turned 13, I was a huge d-o-r-k (and no, I won't share any pictures of those days). I was just about to start 8th grade at Robinson Middle School in Topeka, Kansas. Being the dork I was, I played the violin in the school orchestra and did well in my classes. I entered high school and kept up the same routine, though I quit the orchestra after my freshman year because the teacher was a whack-job who thought he was teaching college kids. Anyways, I was a good kid in school. I'd hear about parties but never went to any, I'd hear about people smoking pot and drinking but never partook. The only time I ever cut class was when I skipped study hall my senior year, and what happened? I got a friggin' Saturday school (i.e. detention on a Saturday). I thought it was completely uncalled for, but that was the last time I cut class!
Anyway, as a teenager, I stayed away from the bad kids, and played by the rules. Just after the start of my junior year, my family moved to Kansas City and I started at a brand new high school. This was probably the most difficult change that I've encountered in my adult life. Not knowing a soul and trying to fit in with people who've known each other since elementary school is not an easy feat. Still, I made a few friends and survived until graduation... thank goodness for graduation. I was glad that chapter of my life was over. I started college three months later, and let me tell you something, when you come from a school where everyone is part of a clique, it's great to come into a new environment where 99% of the students don't know each other! What a great thing that is!
So what's my point here? I guess what I'm trying to get at is... I was NOT a rebellious adolescent. Seriously, skipping study hall was the worst thing I did. This, of course, was a blessing for my parents, as my sister was not so well behaved throughout her high school days. I had witnessed the weekly fights that they had over this and that, and wanted no part of it. That was, no doubt, one of the main reasons I stayed out of trouble! I didn't want to deal with the consequences. Luckily, my sister grew up and turned into a responsible young woman. If she hadn't, I'm pretty sure my parents would have just disowned her (well, maybe not lol!).
OK, so what I'm really getting at is this: at a recent visit to our marriage and family therapist, I was told that my "lack of" an adolescent rebellion may be contributing to my wanting to rebel in my marriage. Truth be told, I have a tendency to fight against what I perceive as "restraints". Previously, if Mark told me, "Corinne, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't go down the hill to party with your friends on a weeknight," there'd be a little voice inside my head that said, "What?! You're not the boss of me!" and, too many times, I'd listen to that voice and do my own thing regardless of how Mark felt about it. Sounds a little like a rebellious teenager, don't you think? In retrospect, I realized that Mark only had my best interest at heart and wanted to make sure I was safe -- LIVE AND LEARN. He's an awesome protector, by the way - that's one of this greatest traits. I am glad to say that that voice has been quieted... it's still there, but I really try to not let it takeover. It's very unfortunate that I was living out my rebellious phase in my marriage, but I understand why it happened. Up until a few years ago, my social life was non-existent. Going to college out here and making friends on my own was a great accomplishment, and I loved it. I finally felt like I fit in, and when it seemed like my time with my newfound friends was being encroached upon, the only thing I knew to do was push back against it. I hadn't experienced many restraints as a teen (mainly because I didn't do anything that would require them), so I didn't know how to act when they came along. I started to view Mark as more of a "dad" than a husband, and didn't understand why he was being such a stick in the mud about me hanging out with friends - I mean, I was a grown woman, shouldn't I be allowed to do whatever I want? Yeah, that statement sounds pretty juvenile, doesn't it? God bless him for putting up with me during that time. What I had forgotten was that I was half of a marriage and my responsibilities were different from that of a single woman my age. As a wife, I had a duty to be there for my husband, and I wasn't free to do as I pleased. Granted, I am still free to make my own decisions, I just have to think about them before I take action. Being considerate of Mark's feelings was one of those things I hadn't completely mastered at the time, but trust me, I'm working on that! One major thing I've learned from our counselor is this: before doing something, think about how it will make your partner feel. This will make your life better as well as theirs! It's so simple, yet it's so easy to forget.
In essence, I learned things the hard way... I found out that Mark wasn't trying to be a controlling parent, he was being a husband who looks out for his wife, and I treasure that. I'd rather have an attentive husband than one who was completely aloof and didn't give a damn.
Til next time...
By the way, if any of you local guys need the name of an awesome therapist, I'd be glad to refer you to ours! He's been a godsend.
Now, let's get back to business:
I was the brattiest when I was a little kid. I would steal my older sister's Cabbage Patch doll and hide it in my room, and then deny any knowledge of it when my mom asked where it was. I once drew all over my white bedspread with colored markers. I dismantled the knob on my bedroom door because I wanted to see if I could put it back together - I couldn't, and trapped myself in my room in the process. Even so, I was a pretty good kid, and when I did mess up, I got punished. When you get spanked for doing something wrong, you learn your lesson and don't do it again. Thank you Mom and Dad for disciplining me when I needed it.
When I turned 13, I was a huge d-o-r-k (and no, I won't share any pictures of those days). I was just about to start 8th grade at Robinson Middle School in Topeka, Kansas. Being the dork I was, I played the violin in the school orchestra and did well in my classes. I entered high school and kept up the same routine, though I quit the orchestra after my freshman year because the teacher was a whack-job who thought he was teaching college kids. Anyways, I was a good kid in school. I'd hear about parties but never went to any, I'd hear about people smoking pot and drinking but never partook. The only time I ever cut class was when I skipped study hall my senior year, and what happened? I got a friggin' Saturday school (i.e. detention on a Saturday). I thought it was completely uncalled for, but that was the last time I cut class!
Anyway, as a teenager, I stayed away from the bad kids, and played by the rules. Just after the start of my junior year, my family moved to Kansas City and I started at a brand new high school. This was probably the most difficult change that I've encountered in my adult life. Not knowing a soul and trying to fit in with people who've known each other since elementary school is not an easy feat. Still, I made a few friends and survived until graduation... thank goodness for graduation. I was glad that chapter of my life was over. I started college three months later, and let me tell you something, when you come from a school where everyone is part of a clique, it's great to come into a new environment where 99% of the students don't know each other! What a great thing that is!
So what's my point here? I guess what I'm trying to get at is... I was NOT a rebellious adolescent. Seriously, skipping study hall was the worst thing I did. This, of course, was a blessing for my parents, as my sister was not so well behaved throughout her high school days. I had witnessed the weekly fights that they had over this and that, and wanted no part of it. That was, no doubt, one of the main reasons I stayed out of trouble! I didn't want to deal with the consequences. Luckily, my sister grew up and turned into a responsible young woman. If she hadn't, I'm pretty sure my parents would have just disowned her (well, maybe not lol!).
OK, so what I'm really getting at is this: at a recent visit to our marriage and family therapist, I was told that my "lack of" an adolescent rebellion may be contributing to my wanting to rebel in my marriage. Truth be told, I have a tendency to fight against what I perceive as "restraints". Previously, if Mark told me, "Corinne, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't go down the hill to party with your friends on a weeknight," there'd be a little voice inside my head that said, "What?! You're not the boss of me!" and, too many times, I'd listen to that voice and do my own thing regardless of how Mark felt about it. Sounds a little like a rebellious teenager, don't you think? In retrospect, I realized that Mark only had my best interest at heart and wanted to make sure I was safe -- LIVE AND LEARN. He's an awesome protector, by the way - that's one of this greatest traits. I am glad to say that that voice has been quieted... it's still there, but I really try to not let it takeover. It's very unfortunate that I was living out my rebellious phase in my marriage, but I understand why it happened. Up until a few years ago, my social life was non-existent. Going to college out here and making friends on my own was a great accomplishment, and I loved it. I finally felt like I fit in, and when it seemed like my time with my newfound friends was being encroached upon, the only thing I knew to do was push back against it. I hadn't experienced many restraints as a teen (mainly because I didn't do anything that would require them), so I didn't know how to act when they came along. I started to view Mark as more of a "dad" than a husband, and didn't understand why he was being such a stick in the mud about me hanging out with friends - I mean, I was a grown woman, shouldn't I be allowed to do whatever I want? Yeah, that statement sounds pretty juvenile, doesn't it? God bless him for putting up with me during that time. What I had forgotten was that I was half of a marriage and my responsibilities were different from that of a single woman my age. As a wife, I had a duty to be there for my husband, and I wasn't free to do as I pleased. Granted, I am still free to make my own decisions, I just have to think about them before I take action. Being considerate of Mark's feelings was one of those things I hadn't completely mastered at the time, but trust me, I'm working on that! One major thing I've learned from our counselor is this: before doing something, think about how it will make your partner feel. This will make your life better as well as theirs! It's so simple, yet it's so easy to forget.
In essence, I learned things the hard way... I found out that Mark wasn't trying to be a controlling parent, he was being a husband who looks out for his wife, and I treasure that. I'd rather have an attentive husband than one who was completely aloof and didn't give a damn.
Til next time...
By the way, if any of you local guys need the name of an awesome therapist, I'd be glad to refer you to ours! He's been a godsend.
A very mature and insightful thought process coupled with your awaking sense of responsibility.
ReplyDeleteVery proud of you.
Thanks Mikey, I appreciate it :)
ReplyDelete